When you’re pregnant at the same time as your sister.....and then you’re not.

Imagine this scenario: You're gearing up to spill the big news to your sister-in-law – you're pregnant! But hold on, it's not all sunshine and rainbows. You've been down this road before, and it didn't exactly end on a high note. To make matters even trickier, you're aware that she's also on the journey of trying to conceive. It's like walking on eggshells.

After summoning some courage, I finally broke the news to her. And then, a few weeks later, she shares with me her own announcement – she was expecting too! And get this, our due dates are practically back-to-back. We were due in November, and she was due in December. Just imagining their very first Christmas together – it warmed my heart.

The thought of sharing this pregnancy journey with my sister-in-law was pretty darn special. The idea of going through it together, the shared excitement – it was going to be a unique bond in the making.

But, well, here's where it gets complicated. This isn't wasn’t our first rodeo. My husband and I had experienced the heartache of a miscarriage before, and this time around, there was already a niggling feeling that things might not be okay. We tried to stay positive, but there was a persistent doubt. And then came the 8-and-a-half-week scan.

And there it was, the dreaded news: this pregnancy wasn't progressing as we'd hoped.

Devastation doesn't even begin to cover it. We'd been here before – the loss, the pain. After the first miscarriage, there's a faint silver lining – "Hey, we can get pregnant." But after a second, doubt starts to creep in. Can I actually carry a pregnancy to term?

Fast forward another 2 weeks, and we are back in the doctor's office, scheduling our second surgery in less than six months. My body seemed to hang on to these pregnancies that just weren't meant to be. I was still grappling with morning sickness, a cruel trick my body was playing on me, considering there wasn't going to be a reward at the end.

And guess what? The hospital decided to put me in the exact room where my sister-in-law Meg celebrated spending a week with her firstborn. Talk about salt in the wound. The room that used to be filled with happiness of my beautiful niece was now overshadowed by my sadness.

Here's the kicker, though: seeing my sister-in-law's pregnancy journey unfold was both heartwarming and heart-wrenching. I was truly happy for her, but each update was a stark reminder of what I was missing out on. It was a rollercoaster of emotions that was tough to put into words.

When you're struggling to conceive, time takes on a new meaning. Whether it's a few months or what feels like forever, the ticking of the clock seems to mock your dreams of becoming a parent. Seeing a pregnant woman on the street or stumbling upon yet another pregnancy announcement on social media became an emotional ordeal that more often than not left me in tears.

I recall working with a guy who was rightfully excited to tell me his wife was pregnant, I literally had to turn around because tears welled up well before I could mutter the words “Congratulations” out of my mouth.

Fast forward again, this time to when my sister-in-law's baby arrives. I was around 10 weeks pregnant, and I thought it might make things easier – but I’m not sure it did. I was in awe of that tiny bundle of joy, my nephew, yet deep down, I was shattered. As I left their room, I am not sure I reached the car before tears I’d been holding back started flowing uncontrollably. I was genuinely overjoyed for them, yet my own grief was too hard to contain.

No matter how many times you try again, subsequent pregnancies don't erase the pain of the ones that didn't make it.

Eddie and Sophie, our little ones who never got their chance, you're forever etched in our heart. I’ll always wonder about who you would have been and the lives you would have lived x